How Do I Ask My Partner to Sign a Prenuptial Agreement?
Prenups sometimes get a bad rap
From reality television to sitcoms to movies, prenuptial agreements (called premarital agreements in Oregon) are often painted in a bad light, which is part of the reason why people are often resistant to the idea of a prenup before marriage.
These dramatized discussions typically follow similar patterns: Person A and Person B get engaged and begin planning a wedding. Perhaps Person A has a higher-paying job and more assets than Person B.
This gets them thinking about — and dreading — losing half of their wealth in the case of divorce. In effect, Person A decides they need a prenup and springs it on Person B with no warning or discussion, leading to unnecessary conflict and drama.
While this is great for television, it doesn’t make a great case for why prenups matter in real life, so it makes sense that there’s often resistance or even anger when someone encounters a prenup in real life.
Manufactured conflict aside, there are other reasons why one or both partners in a relationship may not want to sign a prenup, such as:
The assumption that the marriage will end in divorce. No one wants their marriage to end in a divorce, so when your partner comes to you asking for a premarital agreement, it’s easy to assume that they’re expecting a divorce, which can make anyone feel uneasy or insecure about the relationship.
They do not think they need it. Some people think that prenups are for the rich or famous. It is easy to think that this is not something that applies to you because many of their family or peers are not signing one.
Lack of trust from the partner initiating the discussion. If your partner is asking you to sign a premarital agreement, you may assume that your partner doesn’t trust you to split your shared assets evenly in the event of divorce, which may resurface some trust issues or create new ones that didn’t previously exist.
The embarrassment of net worth or debt. While it’s important to be open and honest about your financial situation with your partner with or without a premarital agreement, some may be resistant to show their partner their finances, especially if they hold significant debt or don’t have a lot of assets or cash in the bank.
Resistance is a natural and valid response to this sensitive topic, so if you’re considering asking your partner for a premarital agreement, make sure you’re well-educated on the subject and are ready to collaboratively address their concerns before beginning the discussion.
Do I really need a premarital agreement?
Whether or not you really need a prenup depends on your unique situation, but, in most cases, having a little extra protection certainly can’t hurt. While no one goes into a marriage expecting a divorce, a premarital agreement provides some peace of mind and may mitigate significant conflict down the road. Marriage is a life-changing decision, and no one can really predict what might happen in the future.
While a trusted legal advisor can help you determine if a premarital agreement is right for you, here are a few scenarios we see in our firm that makes it more likely that you will benefit from having a prenup:
One or both partners has been married before
One partner is wealthier or has more assets than the other
One partner carries significantly more debt than the other
One or both partners own a business
One or both partners have children from prior relationships
One partner is a saver and one partner is a spender
One partner has, or expects to have, an inheritance
What are the requirements of a premarital agreement in Oregon?
If you’re planning to ask your partner to sign a prenup before tying the knot, you should be aware of the requirements of the contract to ensure it’s enforceable in the event you need to use it. Doing your research ahead of time can also equip you to have an educated discussion with your future spouse and handle any potential objections delicately and thoughtfully.
First and foremost, a premarital agreement must be in writing and voluntarily signed by both parties involved, so simply asking your partner to agree to a prenup and discussing the division of assets won’t hold up in court.
You also need to be prepared to fully disclose your financial situation to your partner, including all debts, assets, and income streams. If a full picture of each party’s financial situation is not provided at the time of signing, the premarital agreement can be declared void by a judge.
Lastly, know that a prenup can only be modified or revoked with a written, signed agreement between both parties, so, while a prenup should be considered permanent, there are options to adjust the terms of the agreement later down the road if you need to.
How to tell your partner you want a premarital agreement
When prenups are brought up by a partner on television, they often come as a total surprise to the other partner and there isn’t any collaborative discussion about the subject. Real life doesn’t (and shouldn’t) work like that. If you’re ready to ask your partner to sign a premarital agreement, here are some tips to help you navigate that discussion with empathy and logic.
1. Be open and honest with your partner about the request and why you’re making it. No matter how strong your relationship is, asking for a prenup can come off as a surprise and may bring negative connotations along with it. If you enter the discussion with empathy and a logical, thoughtful reason, you can put your partner at ease and ensure they don’t feel you’re being malicious in your request.
2. Approach the conversation as early as possible. If you wait until a month before your wedding day to ask your partner for a prenup, you’re likely imposing some additional (and unnecessary) stress on your partner when planning a wedding is stressful enough.
3. Be prepared to speak about the benefits of a prenup for both of you. If your partner thinks you’re asking for a premarital agreement solely for your own benefit, they’re likely to not be as open to the conversation. Ensure your partner understands that an agreement in writing benefits both of you and that your intention is to set yourselves up for success in the event of a divorce.
4. Make it a collaborative discussion, not a demand. Since premarital agreements ultimately benefit both partners, be sure that this is a true discussion and not a “case closed” request. Listen to your partner's concerns and opinions, and try to come to an agreement that feels equal and fair to both parties.
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If you’re considering signing a premarital agreement before saying “I do,” make sure both you and your partner seek professional advice, support, and legal representation throughout the process. This is the easiest way to ensure that the prenup is equitable and enforceable in the case of divorce.
At DBMA Family Law, we take pride in our ability to provide highly customized prenuptial agreements for couples and individuals who come to our firm for help, because no two relationships are the same, and no two prenups should be exactly the same. Contact us to learn more about our premarital, cohabitation, and postnuptial agreement services today!