What Happens When a Child Refuses to Visit a Non-Custodial Parent?
One of the reasons DBMA Family Law exists is to help individuals and families understand their rights and responsibilities. We work together to guide our clients to create outcomes that are in the best interest of those most affected.
This is especially important when it comes to the children affected by the dissolution of a marriage or the separation of their unmarried parents. The legal world could be described as one that is focused on the just and logical side of legal questions, yet the issues related to family law are often emotionally-driven.
In our work at DBMA Family Law, we strive to consider the emotional underpinnings and practical impact of these cases, while using our legal expertise to provide those we represent the best legal counsel possible so that we can work together to create durable outcomes that give you peace of mind. We want you to be confident that your decisions are in your and your children’s best interests.
My child is refusing to visit my ex — what do I do?
Parenting plans, even in the best of circumstances, can be incredibly difficult for those adults co-parenting a child with an ex-partner, and those difficulties can extend to the children, as well.
Sometimes children have an affinity for one parent over another, or they possess resentment toward one of their parents for the dissolution of their family, and, of course, some children have genuine fears of potential physical or emotional trauma should they be forced to visit their other parent.
So what does one do if their child is refusing to visit their parent during the legally ordered times? This can put a parent in a very precarious situation. You want to follow the guidelines of the parenting plan, help your child foster a healthy relationship with the other parent, and do what’s in the best interest of your child, but, for a number of reasons, this might not always go smoothly. And, from a legal standpoint, violating a court-ordered schedule could result in legal and financial consequences.
Parenting plans can be updated through a modification proceeding, but until a court ordered plan is modified, that Court order remains in effect and absent special circumstances the order should be followed. .
Forcing a child to visit a parent they are adamantly opposed to seeing is stressful for everyone involved, but there are steps you can take in order to protect all involved as you work toward a solution.
One is ensuring that you document all attempts to maintain the parenting plan ordered by the court. Dates, times, details regarding the refusal, as well as any written or electronic communications from all parties involved can become important evidence.
Another is counseling for your child, or even counseling for you, your child, and your ex-partner. Creating a safe space where your child can openly express their feelings and reasoning for not wanting to visit their other parent — especially after repeated visits so that the counselor or psychologist can gain a clear understanding of your child and your family situation — can help your family come to a resolution, whether it be updating your parenting plan or possibly healing the strife between child and parent.
Again, “What is in the best interest of the child?” always lies at the heart of the court’s decision making in these situations. Painting the clearest picture of your child’s experience will help the judge make that determination, and having the objective perspective of a family counselor might make the decision that much easier for them to reach.
More about child custody and parenting plans
How legal custody is established
When it comes to those families with children who are dissolving their marriage or legal partnership or ending a parenting relationship, custody and parenting time arrangements must be considered and resolved for the best interest of the children.
The petitioner (the parent who files the petition through their legal counsel) will serve the respondent (the parent who receives the petition) with a petition for dissolution or the petition to establish custody, parenting time, and/or child support, giving the respondent and their attorney 30 days to provide a timely response.
When it comes to establishing legal custody, the court will then take a variety of factors under consideration, as legal custody is the determination of final authority in making major decisions in the child’s life. Major decisions would be those in regard to education, healthcare, religion, and even where the child lives.
Factors the court considers will include (but not be limited to) a child’s emotional bonds to family; each parent’s interest and attitude in parenting and continuing to rear their child; any history of abuse in the household; the individual parents’ ability and willingness to foster an ongoing relationship between the child and the other parent; and the child’s preference, though it should be noted that the child’s preference, while heard in most cases, is hardly the deciding factor in cases of custody.
Though many think that the family court gives special consideration to mothers over fathers in terms of custody, parenting time, and child support, Oregon law requires that each parent or guardian be considered by the same standard.
At the end of the day, if two parents cannot agree on custody, what the judge will ultimately decide is the question : What is in the best interest of the child?
How the court determines parenting time
Parenting plans can be ordered by the court or they can be created and agreed to by parents and their attorneys to determine when each parent will be caring for the child. This helps the child have a consistent and predictable schedule. In the state of Oregon it is preferred that parents agree on this parenting time plan, either by agreement between them or assistance from a mediator or objective third party, but the court can and will make the ultimate decision if the parents cannot come to an agreement on their own.
Even though legal custody does make plain which parent is the ultimate decider in those larger life decisions, Oregon family law does state that both parents (in most cases) may access their child’s medical and dental, counseling, school, and police records or give permission for medical care in an emergency.